I’ve learned a lot recently about living intentionally and engaged with my children. My followers will notice that instagram happens in spits and spurts, sometimes tweeting a sunset picture the next day at noon. I’m learning the secrets to being both present with my family and being public in a way that makes sense for my family. And my sanity. And here’s what I am beginning to realize about how to blog those stunning, living moments, without killing them.
1. A Moment Lost is a Moment Lost, Even if There are Millions of Moments
When we are in a moment of active parenting with our kids, and my mind breaks to “Oh gosh I need a photo so I can instagram this and facebook it,” I’ve pulled myself out of the moment. In the 30 seconds it takes to crop, filter, and feed that photo out, the moment may fly away. Sure, there are thousands of moments a day to potentially spend with my child, but not THAT moment.
In a recent BlogCastFM interview with Damon Brown this phenomenon is mentioned and Damon introduces his book, Our Virtual Shadow. One of the things he mentions is this idea that it might not be that big of a deal – once. But once an hour? Once a day? How much do we lose cumulatively?
2. Your Mindset and Intention Matters
I know that when I was in theatre I was, in many ways, a better director than actress. While I did have a few sparkling scenes where I could let go and BE in the moment with completely pure intentions, I am in many ways a better director. I see the possibilities in the scene. A benefit – if you’re directing. Potentially less so if you’re trying to just enjoy the moment with your kids.
3. Postpone What Can be Postponed
Sure – you’re an artist. A content creator. I get that. So snap the photo with your phone or camera if you want. But does it need to be tweeted that instant? The reason #latergram is a popular hashtag on Instagram right now is because of this very principle. Capture the images you need to tell the story as they are happening. But wait for the downtime to actually TELL THE STORY. (Click to Tweet) There’s nothing that says I can’t post a week after the fact about my garden, my project, my dinner recipe, etc. In other words, wait until the butterfly has flown away to stop looking at it’s beauty.
4. Never Miss a Chance to Get Your Hair Wet
If you allow yourself to be so removed from the moment that you’re not even in the same swimming pool, you’ve lost a precious opportunity. Read this post about Get Your Hair Wet Parenting. I’ll wait. Doesn’t that just about sum it up? Never miss a chance to get your hair wet. (Click to Tweet)
5. There is No “Balance” – Only Collaboration
You might ask, “So, Angela! How do you balance living a life worth writing about with writing about your life? How do you balance your family and your content creation?”
Hint: There is no balance. There’s a synergy that happens, a little bit of normal and collaborative dance that develops based on needs, time, and your to-do list. Book due next week? Frozen pizza and mother’s helper! Posts scheduled ahead for the next two weeks? Not so much!
My collaboration with my family happens with that give and take dance. For example, many times MY plate of food is the one that becomes the photo-plate. Everyone else is served and eating and I take my plate out to the porch for photos in natural light. I write and format the bulk of my posts (and most of the pages in my book for that matter) after 8pm. My husband gives me one full day at minimum each week. I give the family one full day at minimum each week. I make a concious choice to do promotional things with my phone during the down times. The naps. The waiting rooms. The car passenger seat. The movie queue. The times when my presence doesn’t matter one way or the other.
How do you handle the juggling act of living and creating? How do you avoid being pulled too far from the moments you know others will want to hear about?
You speak the truth. I guess it is a matter of coming to grips with 1) who we are as a society and then 2) who we are.
We are no longer Archie and Edith Bunker, George and Weezy Jefferson or Richie Cunningham’s folks. There is no 9 to 5 world anymore. Normally when people are talking about balance their speaking of being out of line with the world of the 1950s. Do your job come home and enjoy the benefits of modern life.
Needless to say that doesn’t exist.
Of course, we also have to come to grips with being content creators. That means that we choose to live the moments that you’re talking about. They’re not being foisted upon us. They are choice. That means that we can choose to enjoy them and bask in them too.
I love that you said there is no balance. I believe that. There are priorities and emergencies, and those seem to be what dictate our lives. I wish some of these women would stop searching for balance and just live their lives.
This is really an important topic for those of us who write about parenting, homemaking, educating our children, etc. I always remind myself that I work with home SO that I can spend more time with my children while they are young.
That was awesome, Angela. Great writing. As a grandma, there aren’t too many moments that I can’t escape to write. My time is my own more or less. But when I was a parent of young children, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss those special times with my kids for the sake of blog, for sure. There are seasons in life, and it sounds like you are balancing the needs of your family with your writing life really well.
Thanks for taking the time away from your awesome family to share your musings with the rest of us. I do the Instagram later thing, too. Which means I’m not on Instagram very frequently.
Chris
Great advice as usual Angela. And yes #latergram is a great idea… I often wait to instagram shots I take of my kids.
This is an awesome post. And I love your stance on balance. It’s such an unattainable myth.
This has been at the forefront of my last month. I have been trying to be more present and think about what I am doing with my blogging and how I am doing it. Thanks for an insightful post!
Yes – I’ve really found myself thinking a lot about this ever since the tornadoes in Moore. When you walk through the area picking up rubble and find little pieces of everyday life blown miles away, you realize that many things are temporary. I know my work online has blessed people and made a tangible difference in lives so I continue but there’s a tightrope walk nonetheless.
What a powerful message and a proactive perspective, Angela. I think the key is to be aware of those moments, especially since, as you mentioned, they go by so quickly! That time we spend trying to capture something may take us away from the very thing we should be experiencing.
I’m so glad you enjoyed the Blogcast FM interview! I hope the Our Virtual Shadow book resonates with you as well.
It’s in my wish list for my Kindle as we speak! 😀 Thank you for reading – I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
My close friend (my daughter-in-law’s mother) died recently, but we used to chat on Facebook daily. More importantly, we shared photos. The reason this was important was she was in a wheelchair and could only move by using a straw she held between her teeth. When we first met, she was a bundle of energy, taking everyone water-skiing at the engagement party, planning dinners, organizing activities, and a few years later she couldn’t move at all, so I went back through my Facebook posts to find the ones she “liked” and discovered a pattern, and I sent her blue flowers, blue birds, and photos of blue lakes like her precious Lake Tahoe. When we were able to talk I told her once that I was disappointed because I was playing with the grandchildren in the yard and a huge eagle flew overhead, but I didn’t have my camera. Beverly said, “Those moments are gifts from God and not meant to be captured, but remembered. You capture enough pictures, and when the children are asleep you edit and post them. You use your time well. Those moments when we don’t have our cameras are meant to be experienced and described in loving words with friends and family.” She was right, of course. I still have those moments when I see something spectacular and almost reach for my camera, then remember I am hiking with the grandchildren and being in the moment is far more important, and there are also times when I have a spare hour and can go back through my photos and post the soccer game or the dance recital that happened months earlier to share with my family–they know that spending time with the grandchildren is more important and they wait patiently for those pictures. I don’t have to struggle for balance, it’s already there.